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Sunday, March 30, 2014

Life's A Dance

So, I bet many of you thought I gave up on this blog.

I thought so too.  Until today.

Today I ran unplugged (no iPod) which meant 5 miles of thinking.  I realized that there are a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions that I haven't written about -- that's about to change friends.

Here some of the takeaways from my run today:


There is a difference between a go-getter and a "goal-getter."

Dad and I - XC 2011
Anyone can be a go-getter:  a person who works very hard and wants very much to succeed (according to Marriam Webster). But I was thinking --  what is the purpose of the go-getter? What are they trying to get? Where are they going? What are they trying to accomplish? 

I consider myself a "goal-getter."  I set goals for myself and will do everything in my power to make them a reality.  I have been this way since I was young. I started running competitively at the age of 10 when I signed up and completed a community 5k in Hershey with my dad. To this day, I remember the morning, the race, and the experience very vividly. It was the longest distance I had ever run before and by mile two I was in tears and we were both frustrated. Imagine if I had given up on running that day. Now at 24 I am a marathoner and a triathlete but I will never forget the day it all started. 

Mom and I at NEC's 2010 
That day, despite how awful I felt and the ridiculously long time it took to finish -- that's where my passion started. I found my sport. From that day on, I decided I was going to be a runner and I was going to run faster the next weekend and the weekend after that. I was going to run for the middle school team, then the high school team, I was going to run in the Pennsylvania State Championship meet and I was going to run in college. 

All of these things happened. But not in ways that I would have ever expected. 

Post-race celebration after 26.2 in 2013
I was never the fastest girl on any of my teams, but I was the hardest worker and never lost sight of the goals I had set for myself. 

Now that I have a full time job, live on my own and have other responsibilities. It is harder to keep up with my running -- but it is not impossible. It is harder to balance my professional, spiritual and personal  activities - but again, not impossible. I need to set different goals for myself.

I am currently working on refining and defining new goals.  I don't have championship meets to shoot for now but I do have marathons and triathlons, dream jobs and other life events to work toward. 

When crafting these goals one important point is that I can't settle for anything less than achieving them. In high school there was no better feeling than crossing the finish line at the State meet, and in college hearing the coach tell me that I had made the team and was on the travel squad was an unbelievable highlight. Both of these things would not have happened if I gave up -- and boy, were there times when I could have!

I have seen how not settling is evident in my athletics and professional world, but recently, I learned how it is applicable personally as well. 

It has taken me a while -- a long while -- to admit this but here we go -- I let a guy break my heart. 

I am a strong (sometimes stubborn) girl and try my best to keep my emotions in check and my heart guarded. However, the reality is that I am a crier. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I give my whole heart and soul into everything I do. (Again, part of the goal-getter mentality.)

When a relationship ended in the fall, I fell apart inside but tried to stay strong on the outside. Recently, I realized that it is ok to be sad, hurt, and confused over losing someone who was very much a part of my world for a good part of a year.  Also, keeping those emotions inside is not healthy and just ate me up -- not worth it. 

I had my reasons for holding on to my emotions in like I did.  One reason was that I didn't want him to "win the break up." (That sounds silly now that I type it out - but it is what it is.) In my head, my sadness was a sign of weakness and the empty feeling would go away soon because I am not going to let this guy define me. While that is so true, he had my heart in more ways than we both knew. I desperately wanted to keep my strong, tough-girl persona and didn't want to admit that I had some healing to do. 


The fact is that I could have settled for what we had but it wouldn't have been worth it. Now I have a better idea of what I need and deserve out of relationship. I have learned how to love and be loved because of that relationship. I have learned that being in a great, loving and lasting relationship is a new goal and something that I can and will have at some point in my future. 


Situations change. Life goes on. People come in (and out) of your life to teach you something you need to learn at that particular moment. Every day we learn, we grow and we achieve -- let's just make sure we are goal-getting in all aspects of our lives -- personal, professional and spiritual-- whatever that means for you! 





    









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